Date

My husband went out with "the guys" tonight and I decided to have a date night with my 2-year-old. It was no big deal, we just went out for pizza and to the mall playground, but we had a great time. After being with Sophie all week long you'd think I'd be sick of her, especially by Friday night. Don't get me wrong, we have our moments, such as this morning when we took our elderly, ill, nervous cat, Belle, to the vet. Sophie was seemingly upset with the vet tech for "hurting" Belle, so when the tech graciously gave Sophie a pinwheel to play with, Sophie scowled at her and broke it in half. This was not a feel-good moment, for sure, but bad times just make the good times sweeter.

Speaking of which, I've been noticing daffodils and irises sprouting from the cold earth. They're barely recognizable, as they're only about 2 inches tall, but they're a refreshing sign of warm weather - and lots of gardening blog posts - to come. I don't know about you, but this long, harsh, cold, snowing, dreary winter is going to make those spring flowers all the more beautiful this year!

Until then, stay warm and dry!

Silence

It seems as though I can only write something worthwhile in solitude and quiet. The current conditions, for example, which consist of rather heavy music blaring ("Carini" by Phish, if you care), my husband clanging away at the dishes (god bless him) and my daughter chattering on the baby monitor, just don't don't get those creative juices flowing for me. I spent the past 45 minutes writing one short paragraph on the way too wordy and LONG post I've been working on for a week or more. I'm beginning to think the only time feasible for me to write is very early in the morning (say, 5am) before everyone wakes up, but since I'm an insomniac (no really, I am) I just don't see that happening. Something's got to give...maybe I'll try earplugs!

Working On It

I've been solidly working on a very personal piece for the past 2 days entitled, Culture Shock: A Turning Point that still isn't finished and probably won't be finished now until early next week (parents are coming into town). I'm sorry my blogging activity has been so low on your end (I've written soooo much that hasn't been posted), but it will pick up soon, I promise. You're going to be so sick of me once the plants start blooming...

Peace and love to you all!

Sneaky

Shhh... I'm sneaking away to write to you while my husband is pulling my daughter around in a laundry basket, as he's been doing for the past 1/2 hour at least.

I LIVE for Fridays. We usually go out to dinner (as a family) on Friday nights because I just can't muster enough energy to make another meal. But here I sit, pretending to be away from home as the snow falls on yet another Friday evening, tonight's dirty casserole dishes still adorning our kitchen table.

Well, it's GOT to be my turn to pull by now. Thank you, blog, for these invaluable mini-vacations!

Shhh!

Is There Anybody Out There?

(Don't get too excited, unfortunately this post has nothing to do with the famed Pink Floyd song whose song title I borrowed.)

I allow myself 1 hour of writing time per day, usually during Sophie's "nap" time. Most of my writing amounts to nothing, which has been troubling for me at times, but for the most part is understandable. As I "write" now, for instance, my lovely daughter (who's supposed to be napping) is yelling at the top of her lungs,

"Hello?

Mommy?

Are you there?

Is there anybody out there?

I need help!

MOMMY?!

HELLO!!!

Are you watching the weather? (As if...)

MOMMY!!!!!!!"

Granted, she is not yelling out of anger, rather, she finds this quite humorous. I do, too, to a certain extent, but I swear right here and now NEVER to get down on myself again for writing something disjointed, incoherent, or downright lousy. Who can concentrate with all of this noise?! It is no wonder my mind is only flooded with good ideas when I'm lying in bed at night... it's the only time I get any peace and quiet.

"Mommy, mommy, MOMMY!!!"

In Sync

I had the most wonderful day with my daughter today. It was one of those days that makes me so grateful to be able to be with her every moment of every day and so worth the petty sacrifices I've made to be able to do so. I'm not exactly sure what precipitates a day like this, if it has something to do with me, or her, or the stars, but it is such a beautiful thing, regardless of cause. I don't know what I did to deserve such a thoughtful, caring, sweet little girl, but it must have been pretty impressive.

Recently, my dear friend, Carrie, posted a piece on her incredibly well-written and thought-provoking blog, http://www.iwantnina.blogspot.com/, about the image(s) of ourselves that we project to the world. It really got me thinking about the things that most influence the images I project and the things that shape them, from my near-crippling issues with body image, to my unrealistic drive for perfectionism, to my tendency toward obsessive-compulsiveness. I thought a lot about how I even put up a front for the people closest to me (I think we all do to a certain extent)... but not with Sophie. Aside from the fact that we're always together, I think part of the reason we're so in sync with each other is because I don't need to pretend with her. I can be the "real" me because she has yet to develop self-consciousness and therefore, has no idea about concepts like judgement.

What a gift this has been for me! Since I've been able to let my guard down with her, I've learned so much about myself that I either never knew existed or completely forgot about. This has definitely been one of the most unexpected yet welcomed aspect of motherhood for me thus far.

This is certainly not to say that all of my revelations have been positive. For the first year or more of Sophie's life I was plagued by a fairly deep depression. Suddenly the mirror was right in front of my face all the time and I often didn't like what I saw. It has taken me, and is taking me, a long time to come to terms with and work on many different aspects of myself that, frankly, I'm not crazy about. But on days like this, when the stars align just right, I actually see quite a few areas that I not only like, but am proud of. And it's days like these when I realize that you have to have good with bad, as day needs night and hot needs cold.

The Joys of Homeownership!

Somehow, our corian kitchen sink, which is built-in to our corian countertops, got a huge crack all the way through it and drenched the cabinet underneath. Then, as I was doing a load of laundry in our beautiful Maytag front-loading washing machine that came with the house, I smelled the unmistakable, burning smell of "something electrical" and when the load finished all the clothes were sopping wet. A week later, an appliance repair person came out to tell us, in about 1 minute and with an $85 charge, that we need a new washer. We bought the washer (which is really cool, by the way), waited a day for it to be delivered to the store, brought it home and spent all of yesterday and this morning doing laundry. Finally, today, we noticed that we had no hot water and that the pilot light was off on our gas hot water heater. It will not reignite. I plan on taking full advantage of the Super Bowl festivities tonight to "clear my head!"

Checking In

Good evening!

I just wanted to drop by end ask for your patience! I've been ill and have had some home-owner catastrophies and just haven't had time to write. I have quite a few pieces in the works, so if we keep our power for the next few days (yet another snow/ice storm) I'll be sure to share.

Until then...